You,

I wrote a whole post a couple of weeks ago. It was all about leaving OU Medical Center. I spent time rounding out the corners of my paragraphs to sound perfectly interesting. Upon review it was perfectly boring. So, this is me, these are my sharp edges, I'm starting again.

I'm sitting in a room in a house in Clarksville Tennessee. I'm looking at light-up strings holding pictures. Pictures filled with some of the most important people in my life. Some of the pictures hold people who were perfect strangers 3 years ago. People who chose me. I'm sitting on a bed far enough off the floor that my sweet pup is enjoying herself a new hiding place. And I'm thinking. I'm thinking about who I was almost 3 years ago and the circumstances that brought me to this room full of these pictures. 

It was January 2017 and I was sad. Desperate for employment and unwilling to lower my standards for a nursing job I sent out a plea for work. When no one on the west coast was interested in my desperation, I opened up my search. I have a couple of cousins to thank for an Oklahoman response. 

 

What came after was full. I would have my life no other way. Unpredictable, beautiful, bursting with emotion, inspiring in the pain and joy. What a life I lived. I traded sleep for friendship. I ate more breakfast burritos than entirely reasonable. Life was sprinkled with fear, fear I wouldn't be good enough to be a nurse or good enough to be invited to one of those breakfasts. Then it was full of acceptance and grace. More than I could possibly deserve, from you.

Is it even possible to summarize almost 3 years of a well-lived life? I've always prayed for wisdom, to be a light in another's darkness, to live with purpose. Honestly, a lot of days were void of that purpose. I spent a lot of time sitting on couches, copious hours sleeping, and plenty of moments not being anything like the person I want to be. But, it's the moments in between I hold in my heart and in these pictures. The memories and adventures, late-night conversations and tears, shared with those who chose me to share life with. 

 

Thank you. You who were there. You in whom I find familiarity, recognition, camaraderie. You who lifted me up when I found myself down. You who stoked the flames of my heart, teaching me to live better. I am left inspired. I am left undone by your friendship. 

Plenty of you have asked why I would leave my friends, the job I love, the beautiful life I've been gifted. It's time. It's like this internal stove clock started buzzing. It was sort-of quiet, but it was there. And I knew it was time, I was comfortable. Life was falling in to place and -maybe you'll fault me for this- I didn't want it to. 

I've been told so many people's regrets, and most of them boil down to one misconception. They thought life was long. They forgot to live, and they think it's too late to start now. Maybe it's fear of regret- and maybe I need to pray on that- but this restlessness in my soul has helped make my life beautiful. It led me to you whom I love. You taught me confidence, you taught me how to live well, you experienced the good and bad of the world with me. Your pictures are hanging in my room, reminding me I'm loved, reminding me I am who I am because of your influence. 

This new journey may end quickly, it may be the start of something incredible. Either way, I am honored. I am humbled that you believed in me, you told me I was enough, you inspired me. Thank you. 

-Lauren K